THIS.

THIS is why I say you should date somebody between three months and one year before you decide if you want to commit to a relationship with them.

EVERYONE puts on their best face for the first date, for the first weeks … But eventually the façade slips and you see the real person.

And, while a person’s answers to these questions are not more important than their ACTIONS are, a person’s self-awareness, transparency and ability to be vulnerable ARE demonstrated in answers to these questions.

Everyone believes the best about themselves and will tell you the right answers. You, ultimately, want to see their answers through their ACTIONS.

It simply takes between three months and a year before you see who a person really is.

And you have to see the real person before you can decide whether or not you want THAT in your life, whether or not THAT is worthy of the gift of YOU.

Obviously, the depth of the questions depends on how long you have been together and the quality of the relationship. (I don’t recommend asking “How much money do you earn a year?” on the first date ) But I DO firmly believe, given a serious relationships, ALL of these questions are fair game and, likely, needed.

For those of you looking for quality, here’s the list – don’t blame the messenger, the wording is Pastor Creflo Dollar’s!

Quality Questions Before You Date Seriously:

• What’s your motive?
• What’s your full name? Is that your real name?
• Do you have your dad’s last name?
• When can I meet your dad?
• Is your dad and mommy together?
• How do you act when you get mad? Do you throw things? Do you cuss around? Do you beat up on people?
• Do you have a job?
• Where do you work?
• How much money do you make?
• How long have you been working now?
• Do you have a bank account?
• How is your credit? Can I see your credit score?
• Do you have a house or do you live in an apartment?
• Do you pay for your gas and your car?
• Do you live with your mom?
• What do you like to eat?
• Do you plan on being fine like that all your life? Or are you planning on getting big?
• How many children do you want to have?
• Will you get upset if we don’t have kids?
• Do you plan on having an inheritance?
• Do you have insurance?
• Can you pay for your funeral if you were to die today?
• How do you look without your makeup? Don’t put any on tomorrow.
• The hat you got it on your head, is that yours? Or did you purchase it? And if you purchased it, is it paid for?
• Are you in debt?
• Are those your eyelashes? Or did you buy those from somewhere?
• You smell good today but what about tomorrow morning?
• Do you believe in taking showers at night or in the morning?
• Do you believe in taking three days off and then taking a shower?
• Are you attracted to men or women?
• Are you trying to marry me because you’re trying to hide something?
• Did your dad commit adultery?
• Did your dad’s dad commit adultery?

Enter your Email for a FREE list of questions YOU need to ask before getting serious!

The post Questions You Have to Ask appeared first on DatingSuccessEngine.com.

When you get to know somebody better, what are some of the first things you learn about them? That they disappoint you in all kinds of ways. Right?

So, this is true in visual illusion. If you take pictures of people, and you blur them out, and you make them fuzzy, everybody looks more attractive. As you get into the little details of life, you start seeing wrinkles, right? When you look at people in general terms, you only see the good things in them.

This, by the way, is not just about romantic attraction. You know, when companies hire CEOs, and they hire CEOs from outside the company, they often have high expectations from them. But when you look at the results, the results show that they pay way more to external CEOs than internal ones, and they perform worse. But when you look at an external one, it’s very easy to say, Oh, my goodness, this person is just great, because you don’t know the little details. Right?

So if you if you look at somebody you don’t know very well, all the little annoying habits that they have, are just going to be outside of scope for you. And you will just imagine that they all work well. Only when they move in, you get to see those details.

So imagine a world in which, when you look at other people, they look more glorious, than when you get to know them in all the details. And now you’re in bed next to somebody, and you wake up in the morning, and you say, “Is this what I want for the rest of my life when I have other options here!?”

And this is Tinder, right? Your phone is here. And you’re basing all of those things, all of those options look so wonderful. By the way, also, in online dating or Facebook, whatever it is, people only present the positive sides, right? So you don’t – you have this biased idea that the outside option, the set of the outside option looks SO promising.

And now you wake up next to somebody, or you have a little fight with somebody, and you think to yourself, “In one click, I could have a date with somebody else.”

 Now, imagine that you have an apartment, and you have a deal with the landlord that the lease is day-to-day. And every morning you wake up and you say, “Do I want to extend this lease or not?” And every day your landlord decide if they want to extend that lease or not? How much would you invest in the apartment? Would you paint the walls? Would you get flowers? Would you fix the walls? Would you do all kinds of things? Of course not.

Because you’re always with one foot outside. So the analogy is that you wake up next to your romantic partner every morning and you say, “Should we do it for another day? Or should we stop now?” The moment you think in the short term horizon, the odds that you will invest in the relationship is much, much lower.

So the thing that worries me is that when we are in a relationship, but continuously with one foot out, and continuously thinking about how the outside world is more tempting and more interesting, and so on, it’s actually not a good recipe for investing in a relationship. It’s not a zero sum game. It gets better when you invest in it. And if you don’t think you’re there for a long time, the lack of investment is just not high.

The post Dan Ariely: On Dating & Relationships appeared first on DatingSuccessEngine.com.

“How to raise your self-esteem!”  
“10 Ways YOU Make Yourself More Attractive!”
“Women, Stop Dating Low-Value Men!”
“How to Land Girls That Are Out of Your League!”

The headlines and “self-improvement” fluff elsewhere SCREAM “quick fixes” to get you a better mate.  The problem?  The problem is that the vast majority of pop-psy self-esteem advice is simply silly: 

“Tell yourself affirmation in the mirror every morning!”  Unfortunately staring into a mirror repeating affirmations as though they’re incantations does little to make you actually believe the drivel, you’re telling yourself. 

“Step out into something uncomfortable!”  Stepping out into something you’ve never done before is likely to leave you steeped in discomfort at the best; sitting in failure at the worst.

“Ask your best friend what’s awesome about you!”

And it’s that last one that’s the worst of all. 

Social Media Popular Advice = BS 

I hear it often on social media: 

• “I’m incredible and I deserve a man as incredible as me!!!”… while you watch them date loser after loser. 
• “I’m not going to take any more loser men!” 
• Women reassuring friends, “Girl KNOW you are fabulous! You are so awesome, and he just didn’t deserve you!!!!!!”; and
• The “I’m a caring, loving person so if I’m a bitch to you, that’s just a reflection of you!”

…is all bravado and bullshit. 

It’s quite possible that you’re just a bitch.  

To be clear, sure… maybe you’re NOT.  Maybe you’re the nicest person in the world. 

But the fact that you’re attracting poor matches is NOT the sole indicator *the matches* are the problem.  Maybe… YOU are the problem.

• Maybe you’re not “incredible:…
• No one “deserves” anything, much less an incredible mate.  (We can choose to set the bar we desire… but if you continue dating losers the YES YOU ARE TOO dating more loser men…
• And that your *friend* who thought you were “fabulous” is irrelevant… if the mates you are meeting don’t.

Without blunt, honest self-reflection you simply can’t rule whether YOU are the problem.  And… it doesn’t matter HOW many times you SAY “I’m not going to tolerate any more ambivalent men who don’t wine me and dine me and show me how much they value me!!!!!!”…. if you keep giving it up to guys before you know if THEY are quality. You see…. what you DO ALWAYS overshadows who you think you are.

And just because your best friend thinks that you are “awesome” doesn’t mean that you are (worse: maybe it just means you’ve got a lot in common with other friends, who have the same dysfunctions, poor judgment or low self-esteem so that.

Look: I’m picking on the women here, because they guys do the same thing… it’s just that usually off of Facebook with the bros, it usually involves a different kind of bravado surrounding women and/or alcohol, but that is just as fake and dysfunctional.

And the fact is anyways that each of the above statements are NOT “high self-esteem” or “valuing yourself.” The statements above are examples of lies you tell yourself while wishing that you felt better about yourself and it’s important to distinguish here from much of the bravado I witness here on Facebook:

None of the above bravado is real self-esteem

For REAL Self-Esteem…

The most effective method of dealing with it that I’ve is to take action as if you were valuable, even before you know that you are; even when deep inside you’re not sure you deserve it…

The pop psych idea is to just BELIEVE that you’re valuable and then that will change your behavior. I don’t think that works. At least not very well. Go ahead, if you like… give it a shot, but I’ll offer something far more powerful: just take action congruent with what you’d expect and more importantly what you’d DO if you were worth far more than you thought you were.

I emphasize the “DO” because… you can sit there all damn day waiting for others to treat you with more respect and value, thinking that THEN you’ll feel valuable and die before that happens. So just start with you doing the doing congruent with a much higher level of value for yourself than you feel.

Start by treating yourself with a higher respect than you’ve given yourself or even feel you deserve; then refuse less that what you’re worth in other areas of your life WHILE WORKING TO BUILD FOR YOURSELF more than what you feel you’re worth.

It’s a challenge and largely so because this method takes time. It will be some time of consistently taking action as if you valued yourself more than you really do. You will constantly be tested whether you’ll give up before you build more than you thought you were worth and people will consistently offer you less just to see if you’ll take it… before you start believing that you’re actually worth more.

But of all the ways of dealing with low self-esteem, THIS is the most effective I’ve found.

If you are tired of dating BS, poor matches, ghosted or toxic matches, I’ve got the solution – I’ve led hundreds of people in finding high-quality matches. I mean, like “the one” OR “fun!” matches they want. I KNOW I can help YOU find your dating success with the help of my coaching. Reach out now and I’ll even offer you the first session for free!

——— Start here, start now! ————-

“Mark’s deep coaching skills are profoundly insightful. As a coach who shows up fully and authentically, there is no stone he leaves unturned to help his clients see for themselves the highest future vision of themselves and then… he goes that extra mile to ensure that they have all the support that they need to actualize that vision.” — Monica Mascarenhas

The post Dating and Self-Esteem: The Difference Between Bravado, Bullshit and Blooming appeared first on DatingSuccessEngine.com.